So it's time

The amount of weight I have gained back is insane. I need to get a handle on it. It's hard because my counselor and I discussed, a while back, my need to be less obsessive when it came to my eating. At one point I had been counting calories all the time. It became unhealthy so I did as my counselor suggested and I put away the scale and stopped counting calories. After I stopped weighing myself and counting calories, I tried to just eat healthy and when I was hungry. I felt like I was hungry all the time. So I ate all the time. I was eating healthy foods so I didn't worry too much. Then my pants started to get a little tight and I freaked and totally lost my shit. I kind of just gave up and stopped caring. So my healthy eating stopped and I started eating for convenience...to me that was fast foods. Like McDonald's...not exactly healthy.

So now I'm sitting at about 135lbs. And have about 15lbs to lose to get back to where I want to be. To a lot of people, 15lbs doesn't even seem like that much. I, however, carry all of my weight in my gut. I have relatively slim arms, legs, and a not too shabby ass. But my tummy is awful. I know I'm supposed to just accept and love myself for what it is but I can't say that I do. I mean, I don't look at myself in disgust or anything but I don't like what I see anymore.

So it's really time to get my ass back into shape. I have to start eating better and caring about the kinds of foods that I choose. I know how to do it, I've done it before. I'm just so scared about getting obsessive again.