Merry Fucking Christmas

I wish people would not look at me as though I looked like this:



I'm not a goddamn Grinch. I just think Christmas music, decorations, and the general "Christmas Spirit" is stupid. I mean I don't judge people that love Christmas and start celebrating it in November. Don't judge me for not getting excited about Christmas until Christmas eve. I love the family time, the food, the excuse to drink, the presents and all that...during Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day. That is all. Those 3 days, and those 3 days only.

I don't decorate a tree. I don't hang lights on my condo balcony, I don't hang a wreath or put Christmas cards on my mantel. I just don't. Maybe I will when I have kids but as a single lady it just seems like a lot of effort that no one will see.

I will never, ever listen to Christmas music. It makes me want to ram serrated knives in my ears. It actually makes me angry. How many people get angry with the sound of Christmas music? I have no idea, but I am one of them and I seem to be the minority.

"Isn't the Christmas tree beautiful?" A coworker asks me today. "Uh, I guess so." I replied. "What do you mean you guess so?" she said. "Well, I think it's kind of ridiculous to cut down a tree and decorate it with lights, glass bulbs, and an angel at the top specifically so people have something to put presents under. It just sort of seems like a waste." She stared at me, wide-eyed, so I decided to rephrase it. "I mean it's cool with me if other people like it, and I totally get it, but it's not my thing." More wide-eyed staring. "I uhhh...it's fine...I mean, if I was into Christmas trees, this one would be on the top of my list but...yah." "Why are you such a Grinch?" she said as she walked away.

So why am I such a Grinch? I don't know. But I'm not ashamed of my grinchisms.