A Random Thought ...And Only One

I HEART MYTHBUSTERS!




That is all.

So it's time

The amount of weight I have gained back is insane. I need to get a handle on it. It's hard because my counselor and I discussed, a while back, my need to be less obsessive when it came to my eating. At one point I had been counting calories all the time. It became unhealthy so I did as my counselor suggested and I put away the scale and stopped counting calories. After I stopped weighing myself and counting calories, I tried to just eat healthy and when I was hungry. I felt like I was hungry all the time. So I ate all the time. I was eating healthy foods so I didn't worry too much. Then my pants started to get a little tight and I freaked and totally lost my shit. I kind of just gave up and stopped caring. So my healthy eating stopped and I started eating for convenience...to me that was fast foods. Like McDonald's...not exactly healthy.

So now I'm sitting at about 135lbs. And have about 15lbs to lose to get back to where I want to be. To a lot of people, 15lbs doesn't even seem like that much. I, however, carry all of my weight in my gut. I have relatively slim arms, legs, and a not too shabby ass. But my tummy is awful. I know I'm supposed to just accept and love myself for what it is but I can't say that I do. I mean, I don't look at myself in disgust or anything but I don't like what I see anymore.

So it's really time to get my ass back into shape. I have to start eating better and caring about the kinds of foods that I choose. I know how to do it, I've done it before. I'm just so scared about getting obsessive again.

Merry Fucking Christmas

I wish people would not look at me as though I looked like this:



I'm not a goddamn Grinch. I just think Christmas music, decorations, and the general "Christmas Spirit" is stupid. I mean I don't judge people that love Christmas and start celebrating it in November. Don't judge me for not getting excited about Christmas until Christmas eve. I love the family time, the food, the excuse to drink, the presents and all that...during Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day. That is all. Those 3 days, and those 3 days only.

I don't decorate a tree. I don't hang lights on my condo balcony, I don't hang a wreath or put Christmas cards on my mantel. I just don't. Maybe I will when I have kids but as a single lady it just seems like a lot of effort that no one will see.

I will never, ever listen to Christmas music. It makes me want to ram serrated knives in my ears. It actually makes me angry. How many people get angry with the sound of Christmas music? I have no idea, but I am one of them and I seem to be the minority.

"Isn't the Christmas tree beautiful?" A coworker asks me today. "Uh, I guess so." I replied. "What do you mean you guess so?" she said. "Well, I think it's kind of ridiculous to cut down a tree and decorate it with lights, glass bulbs, and an angel at the top specifically so people have something to put presents under. It just sort of seems like a waste." She stared at me, wide-eyed, so I decided to rephrase it. "I mean it's cool with me if other people like it, and I totally get it, but it's not my thing." More wide-eyed staring. "I uhhh...it's fine...I mean, if I was into Christmas trees, this one would be on the top of my list but...yah." "Why are you such a Grinch?" she said as she walked away.

So why am I such a Grinch? I don't know. But I'm not ashamed of my grinchisms.