Feb 15? That was my last post?

Wow, way to suck, Amanda!

Today I got my copy of the The Female Body Breakthrough by Rachel Cosgrove...I haven't read it and am slightly skeptical but perhaps this is a step I need to get back in the groove.

I've been eating better and exercising more but haven't seen any change in my weight. FUCK YOU, FAT! Anywho, I feel a little better about it all.

That's all I want to say at the moment. I wish this post was even slightly entertaining but really, I just want to hold myself accountable for things so I'm using my blog as a resource for that.

All I Want Is A Happy Fucking Medium

I feel like my whole life is always one extreme or the next.

At work I'm either insanely busy or have absolutely dick all to do. Why can't I just have a regular work day of constant work but not so much that I feel like I'm losing my mind the entire time?

As far as my weight/eating/exercising goes, I'm either a lazy slob that doesn't eat anything that I should or I'm obsessive about every bite that I put in my mouth. I just want it to be easy to choose healthier foods and I want to want to go out for a run. But it's like as soon as I slip up, just the tiniest bit, everything I've done thus far goes down the fucking shitter.

I also can never be happy with what I have as far as my love life goes. When I date, I'm never satisfied with the person I'm with. When I'm alone, I just want to be with someone. When I am with someone I want to be alone. So I thought a FWB situation would be kind of like a happy medium. But no. Some days it makes me want more of a relationship (not necessarily from him, just in general) and some days it makes me want to be alone.

I'm in a sort of angry depression right now. It's strange because I'm not generally an angry person. I've had depressions where I just want to sleep because I'm so unbelievably sad and crying all the time. This time, I'm not sad. I'm fucking angry as hell. I have never been so agitated in my whole life and it's constant. I feel bad for the people I have to be around because I'm snappy and bitchy and I just want to say "FUCK YOU! TRY BEING ME FOR A DAY!"